Scots vocabulary
Pram – the wheeled contraption that babies and infants are put into so people can push them around. I think the American word is stroller?
Story
My life’s not been much fun recently. I’ve not been to a bar or pub in weeks. No one tells you that by the time you’re in your final year of Uni all the good times stop. Everyone, including me, has been engulfed by thesis writing and preparing for final exams. It’s like everyone’s entire future hinges on a few hours in a silent hall, and how well you can bullshit your way through a 30-page report on a topic no one’s really interested in.
People have aged overnight, with exams, coursework, thesis writing, and interviews for internships and jobs. The future is looming, and somehow, it’s more frightening than anything in the shop or storage. My pals are asking, my tutors are pressing, and my Da is even starting to have a go.
“What are you doing after?”
And I have nothing to tell them. What do I say? That from the day I was born I only had one fate, and it didn’t involve anything they could consider even in their wildest imagination? I wished time would stop, things would remain as they are, nothing would change. I’d always be a Uni student. But time for me was running out. Uni, my pals, my flat, all that was anchoring me to normal, was about to disappear, and all I’d be left with was the madness of the shop. My normal life kept me balanced, kept me sane on some days, but in a few short months the shop would be all I had.
No checking out, no only going a few days a week. I’d be there every day, all day, until eventually I’d never leave. I’d watch those same pals grow up, move away, start careers, begin families, buy homes, retire, spend their remaining days in peace, and then disappear forever. My flat would house new people, new students, host more parties, witness more alcohol poisoning and pranks gone wrong. It’d be refurbished, sold, bought, rented, condemned, and then demolished. Everything I knew, everyone I knew, I’d watch them live their lives without having my own. I’d watch things move on and leave me behind. I’d witness progress whilst being unable to make my own. I’d be a constant in a world of change.
And it all started as soon as I left Uni.
Needless to say, I wasn’t doing great when Reid came into the shop one day looking surprisingly chipper. I was immediately sour and suspicious. Why did he get to be carefree and happy when I wasn’t? Did the ring only work one way?
He came over to the counter, where I was alone, and asked if I was free the coming Friday night. I asked why. He began to tell me about a festival that his community were having, and the elders wanted me to attend.
The who wanted me to attend what?
Fionn, a professional lurker by this point, slithered from one of the aisles and inserted himself into the conversation. Reid and I exchanged uncomfortable glances, knowing Fionn couldn’t leave the shop, and we were talking about an excursion.
His spirits dampened, Reid began to mumble something about a fox festival that went on every year, and that this year was some special anniversary, so the fox Elders had wanted the Madam to attend. When Reid had asked my boss, she’d suggested I go instead.
It’s nice to know I can still make my own decisions.
About to take the piss out of Reid for talking so quickly I didn’t understand or hear half of it, I found myself reluctant to probe further in front of Fionn, and just accepted the invitation.
A few nights later I waited outside the shop for Reid to pick me up and take me to the festival. I don’t think I’d ever thought so hard about what to wear. How formal was this event? Would it be like turning up to a funeral in pyjamas?
I was relieved when Reid pulled up looking like he always did, and despite myself I peered into the car to see if his latest relationship had beaten me to the front seat. It was just Reid, yet it’d only just occurred to me to think about who exactly Reid was going out with. Douglas hadn’t been blurry, but I hadn’t had blurry eyesight around something strange in ages. Was Reid going out with humans, his own kind, or something else entirely?
As we set off, I asked more pertinent questions than Reid’s lover of the week, and finally got an explanation of what this festival was. It was somewhere between an independence or liberation day and a founding day. It was to celebrate the existence of foxes. For something so ancient, surely there wasn’t a specific date?
Turns out foxes, and by extension all creatures like them, including wyverns like Fionn, had been created. Each species had their own day, and tonight was the fox’s. I had many more questions, but Reid appeared reluctant to tell all.
We drove down the motorway, past the commuter villages with new houses lit up by new streetlights, the road becoming emptier the more we passed. Eventually we came across a junction that no car but us used. It had no number, no signpost informing us of the closest village or town, it simply looked like an empty road sign waiting to be finished.
There were roundabouts, streetlights, parks, ponds, shops, an entire world that looked like the one I’d grown up in, the one I’d lived in, but quieter. The people we drove past looked like you or I, but all were going in the same direction, and all were dressed up in pretty, colourful clothes that was like nothing I’d ever seen. Ceremonial robes from a culture I didn’t know.
Reid parked the car, and I got out, unable to stop staring as people sauntered by in their colourful finery. That’s when I noticed the smaller creatures, the reds, blacks, browns, and brilliant whites as they padded their way down the street next to the people. Foxes chasing each other down the road, winding between pedestrians, and bouncing off walls. The scene was something out of a bairn’s book that no one had written but should. All these people, all within sight, were foxes, whether they looked it or not.
I heard someone unfamiliar calling ma name, and when I looked over the car, I saw Reid waiting with familiar looking people on the pavement. Peeling my eyes away, I went over to them and recognised the two women beside my familiar as his sister and her wife**. I briefly noticed eyes staring at me and peered down to see a pram with a wee bairn inside. Reid’s nephew, and the baby who the Madam did the blessing for a few years ago. I also glanced at the baby bump that Reid’s sister was attempting to hide underneath a floaty dress.
We smiled and exchanged greetings, both expressing how excited they were to see me, and how everyone was glad that a future Madam was attending the festival. I nodded and smiled along, thinking they were being polite. We joined the throng of people moving towards a large park in the centre of this mysterious place.
Reid’s sister was more forthcoming with information. When I asked where this place was, and why I’d never heard of it, she said that was the point. Creatures liked to keep to themselves, and so most had their own towns and villages that acted much like the shop. People could only see it if they needed to.
Despite myself I asked about human-fox relationships, since the foxes had created their own world away from human eyes. She said that whilst not forbidden or taboo, it was generally frowned upon to make a serious connection with a human. They, under no circumstances, were to be brought into this world. If a fox decided to start a family with a human, that human and any bairns would be denied access. There was no such thing as hybrids or cross breeds. The children of a fox and a human were always human, and so had no place in the fox world.
I couldn’t help but look around and admire the amount ae diversity considering how small the gene pool must be.
Reid, who was walking in front of us with the pram and his sister-in-law, glanced back at me, as if to check I wouldn’t say anything. I was almost insulted he had to, but I knew by the slight tint to his cheeks that he hadn’t only been chasing fox tail.
When we got to the park it was crowded, and exactly like the festivals you see in other parts of the world. There were stalls with food, trinkets, games. Small stages for performances, large ones, a grand stage that looked prepped and ready for a famous band to perform.
I was immediately led away from all of this into a private area where serious looking older foxes and people were congregating. Almost as soon as I got in, I didn’t have room to breathe, everyone wanted to greet me, shake my hand, touch me like I was a lucky charm. Faces I didn’t know introducing themselves, telling me I was welcome and that I honoured them with my presence. I’ve never shied away from a crowd, but it quickly became overwhelming, and it wasn’t long before I was wishing for Reid.
Just like always, he appeared at my side and politely put some distance between me and my new fan club. When we all heard a voice like an ancient wind, the fans parted, and the oldest of them all walked up to me with cane and unsteady hand.
He shooed the rest away, and they obeyed, leaving Reid, the oldest elder, and me standing alone. He apologised, and said it was the first time many of them had ever seen a Madam in person. I said I didn’t understand the reverence, I wasn’t even a Madam yet.
The elder eyed Reid bemusedly and beckoned both of us to follow him as we took a tour of the festival. He became like a protective amulet, although the whispers were faster than our pace, no one came up and swarmed me, and the crowd parted like reeds in a field.
The elder, who was indeed the most senior and essentially the highest authority, began to tell me of the fox’s origins. Many thousands of years ago, when humans were slowly becoming the most dangerous predator around, they began to hunt the foxes. At that time all were animals, they had no other abilities. Forced further and further away from their homes, losing family members and loved ones to the stone headed spear of a human, they eventually had enough and went to see Madam Norna.
Could this one have been the original, if we were talking about so long ago?
They travelled to her and begged her to save them, to give them a way to defend themselves from the threat. So, she did. She allowed them to turn themselves into humans whenever they liked and turn back with as much ease. They would cloak themselves in human skin, pretend to be like them, in order to survive.
This didn’t happen to all foxes, just the packs whose leaders had been brave enough to make the journey to one of the most powerful beings in existence. And that’s how they had remained for thousands of years. Safe away from the humans.
It became clearer why they wanted Madam Norna to attend this festival if the madam were the reason any of them were even here. I, somewhat cynically, began to wonder what the price had been for this ability. I never asked.
After we had done a lap of the festival and I’d made a list of the food I wanted to try, and the prizes I wanted to win, or have Reid win them for me, the elder thanked me again fae coming, and set us both free to enjoy the festival.
And we did. I can’t explain how nice it was to be free, to have fun again since my life feels like it’s been so lacking these last few months. I laughed, and ate, and enjoyed myself.
Eventually my legs became sore with all the walking, and we settled down at one of the small stages that were set up, that put on performances through the night. The lights were dimmer in this part of the festival, and it soon became clear why when a spotlight was shone onto a white screen.
Some writing whipped onto the screen, and I realised it was a shadow puppet show, except with card cut-outs instead of hands. It read “The story of Death’s greatest love”. This shook a few things loose in my head and I felt like I’d heard or read that phrase somewhere before.
The writing was replaced by a grim reaper type character, complete with dark hood and scythe. The narrator, who’s voice was a deep burr perfect for storytelling, began to weave this ancient fable.
Once, long ago, during a time when the earth was just fully waking up, there existed only a few primordial beings. Death was amongst their number. Another was a creature who was only referred to as Death’s love. A creature of no particular providence who was guardian, friend, and loved one. The two were everything to each other.
One day, Fate came to ask Death for a favour. Fate’s puppet was an old, wizened man and I had to stifle a shiver as I remembered the owl’s eyes shimmering with silent menace. It’s never stated what this favour is, but Death refuses to help Fate. And that appears the end of it.
Except Fate is accustomed to having its own way, and so kidnaps Death’s love to use as leverage against Death. In exchange for the favour being granted, Death can have their pet returned. Death agrees, but their love is not returned as promised. It is never returned. Each time Fate wants a favour from Death, it is granted, Fate dangling their beloved every single time.
Except I’ve noticed something strange. The card puppet used for Death’s love is black all over, has more tails than any four-legged creature should have, and has a suspicious mark on its forehead that I’d give any money was an eye.
My chest clenches with something I’ve never felt before. Anticipation? Hope in spite of all odds?
Once the show is finished and people begin to move on, I battle through the crowd to where the performers are. I begin to ask the narrator about the story, where it comes from, if it’s true. He, like everyone there, recognises me, and rather than laugh at my strange questions, he humours me.
He says it’s a very old tale that no one really knows when it started. I ask about the puppet they used for Death’s love, whether it was chosen at random. He confirms that in the spoken tale, Death’s love is always described as a creature with three eyes and many tails, one that no one has seen since it was taken by Fate.
Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.
I thank the narrator and find myself sitting down, chest released and breath short, as though I’ve just ran a marathon. It couldn’t be. I was grasping at straws, there was no way this was all true. It was just a story.
Yet, after all ae these years, I knew it wasn’t. I knew.
It was about time to trust myself, listen to that voice deep down inside that I’d forced to take a back seat all of these years. I could fix this; I could give this story a happy ending. All I needed to do was find Death. And I knew exactly who to go to.
*pause*
Wait, wait a minute. Have I been calling Death’s greatest love a wee shite all these years?
** I messed up in the original writing and recording of this episode. By this episode I’d forgotten that Reid’s sister had married and had children with a woman and here I put husband instead of wife. I’m glad to have the opportunity to fix it, even if it’s a bit too late. Sorry.
Scots-ish language version
Ma life’s no’ been much fun recently. I’ve no’ been tae a bar or pub in weeks. No one tells you that by the time you’re in your final year ae uni all the good times stop. Everyone, including me, has been engulfed by thesis writing and preparing fae final exams. It’s like everyone’s entire future hinges on a few hours in a silent hall, and how well ye can bullshit your way through a 30-page report on a topic no one’s really interested in.
People have aged overnight, wi’ exams, coursework, thesis writing, and interviews fae internships and jobs. The future is looming, and somehow it’s more frightening than anythin’ in the shop or storage. Ma pals are askin’, ma tutors are pressing, and ma Da is even startin’ tae have a go.
What are you doin’ after?
And I have nothin’ tae tell them. Whit dae I say? That fae the day I was born I only had one fate, and it didnae involve anythin’ they could consider even in their wildest imagination. I wished time would stop, things would remain as they are, nothing would change. I’d always be a uni student. But time fae me was running oot. Uni, ma pals, ma flat, all that was anchoring me tae normal, was aboot tae disappear, and all I’d be left wi’ was the madness ae the shop. Ma normal life kept me balanced, kept me sane on some days, but in a few short months the shop would be all I had.
No checking oot, no only goin’ a few days a week, I’d be there every day, all day, until eventually I’d never leave. I’d watch those same pals grow up, move away, start careers, begin families, buy homes, retire, spend their remaining days in peace, and then disappear forever. Ma flat would house new people, new students, host more parties, witness more alcohol poisoning and pranks gone wrong. It’d be refurbished, sold, bought, rented, condemned, and then demolished. Everythin I knew, everyone I knew, I’d watch them live their lives withoot havin’ ma own. I’d watch things move on and leave me behind. I’d witness progress whilst bein unable tae make ma own. I’d be a constant in a world ae change.
And it all started as soon as I left uni.
Needless tae say I wasnae doin’ great when Reid came intae the shop one day lookin’ surprisingly chipper. I was immediately sour and suspicious. Why did he get tae be carefree and happy when I wasnae? Did the ring only work one way?
He came over tae the counter, where I was alone, and asked if I was free the coming Friday night. I asked why. He began tae tell me aboot a festival that his community were havin’, and the elders wanted me tae attend.
The who wanted me tae attend what?
Fionn, a professional lurker by this point, slithered fae one ae the aisles and inserted himself intae the conversation. Reid and I exchanged uncomfortable glances, knowin’ Fionn couldnae leave the shop and we were talkin’ aboot an excursion.
His spirits dampened, Reid began tae mumble somethin’ aboot a fox festival that went on every year, and that this year was some special anniversary so the fox Elders had wanted the Madam tae attend. When Reid had asked ma boss she’d suggested I go instead.
It’s nice tae know I can still make ma own decisions.
About to take the piss oot ae Reid fae talkin’ so quickly I didnae understand or hear half ae it, I found maself reluctant to probe further in front ae Fionn, and just accepted the invitation.
A few nights later I waited ootside the shop fae Reid tae pick me up and take me tae the festival. I dinnae think I’d ever thought so hard aboot whit tae wear. How formal was this event? Would it be like turnin’ up tae a funeral in pajamas?
I was relieved when Reid pulled up lookin’ like he always did, and despite maself I peered intae the car tae see if his latest relationship had beaten me tae the front seat. It was just Reid, yet it’d only just occurred tae me tae think aboot who exactly Reid was goin oot wi’. Douglas hadnae been blurry, but I hadnae had blurry eyesight aroond something strange in ages. Was Reid goin’ oot wi’ humans, his own kind, or somethin’ else entirely?
As we set off I asked more pertinent questions than Reid’s lover ae the week, and finally got an explanation ae whit this festival was. It was somewhere between an independence or liberation day and a founding day. It was tae celebrate the existence ae foxes. Fae somethin’ so ancient, surely there wasnae a specific date?
Turns oot foxes, and by extension all creatures like them, including wyverns like Fionn, had been created. Each species had their own day, and tonight was the fox’s. I had many more questions, but Reid appeared reluctant tae tell all.
We drove doon the motorway, past the commuter villages wi’ new hooses lit up by new streetlights, the road becomin’ emptier the more we passed. Eventually we came across a junction that no car but us used. It had no number, no signpost informing us of the closest village or town, it simply looked like an empty road sign waitin’ tae be finished.
There were roundabouts, streetlights, parks, ponds, shops, an entire world that looked like the one I’d grown up in, the one I’d lived in, but quieter. The people we drove past looked like you or I, but all were goin’ in the same direction, and all were dressed up in pretty, colourful clothes that was like nothing I’d ever seen. Ceremonial robes fae a culture I didnae know.
Reid parked the car and I got oot, unable tae stop starin’ as people sauntered by in their colourful finery. That’s when I noticed the smaller creatures, the reds, blacks, browns, and brilliant whites as they padded their way doon the street next tae the people. Foxes chasin’ each other doon the road, windin’ between pedestrians, and bouncin’ aff ae walls. The scene was somethin’ oot ae a bairn’s book that no one had written, but should. All ae these people, all within sight, were foxes, whether they looked it or not.
I heard someone unfamiliar callin’ ma name, and when I looked over the car I saw Reid waitin’ wi’ familiar lookin’ people on the pavement. Peelin’ ma eyes away, I went over tae them and recognised the man and woman beside ma familiar as his sister and her husband. I briefly noticed eyes starin’ at me, and peered doon tae see a pram wi’ a wee bairn inside. Reid’s nephew, and the baby who the Madam did the blessin’ fae a few years ago. I also glanced at the baby bump that Reid’s sister was attempting tae hide underneath a floaty dress.
We smiled and exchanged greetings, both expressing how excited they were tae see me, and how everyone was glad that a future Madam was attendin’ the festival. I nodded and smiled along, thinkin’ they were bein’ overly polite. We joined the throng ae people movin’ towards a large park in the centre ae this mysterious place.
Reid’s sister was more forthcoming wi’ information. When I asked where this place was, and why I’d never heard ae it, she said that was the point. Creatures liked tae keep tae themselves, and so most had their own towns and villages that acted much like the shop. People could only see it if they needed tae.
Despite myself I asked aboot human-fox relationships, since the foxes had created their own world away fae human eyes. She said that whilst not forbidden or taboo, it was generally frowned upon tae make a serious connection wi’ a human. They, under no circumstances, were tae be brought intae this world. If a fox decided tae start a family wi a human, that human and any bairns would be denied access. There was no such thing as hybrids or cross breeds. The children ae a fox and a human were always human, and so had no place in the fox world.
I couldnae help but look aroond and admire the amount ae diversity considering how small the gene pool must be.
Reid, who was walkin’ in front ae us wi the pram and his brother-in-law, glanced back at me, as if tae check I wouldnae say anythin’. I was almost insulted he had tae, but I knew by the slight tint tae his cheeks that he hadnae only been chasin’ fox tail.
When we got tae the park it was crowded, and exactly like the festivals ye see in other parts ae the world. There were stalls wi’ food, trinkets, games. Small stages fae performances, large ones, a grand stage that looked prepped and ready fae a famous band tae perform.
I was immediately led away fae all ae this intae a private area where serious lookin’ older foxes and people were congregating. Almost as soon as I got in I didnae have room tae breathe, everyone wanted tae greet me, shake ma hand, touch me like I was a lucky charm. Faces I didnae know introducing themselves, tellin’ me I was welcome and that I honoured them wi’ ma presence. I’ve never shied away fae a crowd, but it quickly became overwhelming, and it wasnae long before I was wishin’ fae Reid.
Just like always, he appeared at ma side and politely put some distance between me and ma new fan club. When we all heard a voice like an ancient wind, the fans parted, and the oldest ae them all walked up tae me wi’ cane and unsteady hand.
He shooed the rest away, and they obeyed, leavin Reid, the oldest elder, and me standin’ alone. He apologised, and said it was the first time many ae them had ever seen a Madam in person. I said I didnae understand the reverence, I wasnae even a Madam yet.
The elder eyed Reid bemusedly, and beckoned both ae us tae follow him as we took a tour ae the festival. He became like a protective amulet, although the whispers were faster than our pace, no one came up and swarmed me, and the crowd parted like reeds in a field.
The elder, who was indeed the most senior and essentially the highest authority, began tae tell me ae the fox’s origins. Many thousands ae years ago, when humans were slowly becomin’ the most dangerous predator aroond, they began tae hunt the foxes. At that time all were animals, they had no other abilities. Forced further and further away fae their homes, losin’ family members and loved ones tae the stone heided spear ae a human, they eventually had enough and went tae see Madam Norna.
Could this one have been the original, if we were talkin’ aboot so long ago?
They travelled tae her and begged her tae save them, tae give them a way tae defend themselves fae the threat. So she did. She allowed them tae turn themselves intae humans whenever they liked, and turn back wi’ as much ease. They would cloak themselves in human skin, pretend tae be like them, in order tae survive.
This didnae happen tae all foxes, just the packs whose leaders had been brave enough tae make the journey tae one ae the most powerful beings in existence. And that’s how they had remained fae thousands ae years. Safe away fae the humans.
It became clearer why they wanted Madam Norna tae attend this festival if the madam were the reason any ae them were even here. I, somewhat cynically, began tae wonder what the price had been fae this ability. I never asked.
After we had done a lap ae the festival and I’d made a list ae the food I wanted tae try, and the prizes I wanted tae win, or have Reid win them fae me, the elder thanked me again fae comin, and set us both free tae enjoy the festival.
And we did. I cannae explain how nice it was tae be free, tae have fun again since ma life feels like it’s been so lackin’ these last few months. I laughed, and ate, and enjoyed maself.
Eventually ma legs became sore wi’ all the walkin, and we settled doon at one ae the small stages that were set up, that put on performances through the night. The lights were dimmer in this part ae the festival and it soon became clear why when a spotlight was shone ontae a white screen.
Some writing whipped ontae the screen and I realised it was a shadow puppet show, except wi’ card cut-outs instead ae hands. It read “The story of Death’s greatest love”. This shook a few things loose in ma heid and I felt like I’d heard or read that phrase somewhere before.
The writing was replaced by a grim reaper type character, complete wi’ dark hood and scythe. The narrator, who’s voice was a deep burr perfect fae storytelling, began tae weave this ancient fable.
Once, long ago, during a time when the earth was only just fully waking up, there existed only a few primordial beings. Death was amongst their number. Another was a creature who was only referred tae as Death’s love. A creature of no particular providence who was guardian, friend, and loved one. The two were everything tae each other.
One day, Fate came to ask Death fae a favour. Fate’s puppet was an old, wizened man and I had tae stifle a shiver as I remembered the owl’s eyes shimmering wi’ silent menace. It’s never stated what this favour is, but Death refuses tae help Fate. And that appears the end ae it.
Except Fate is accustomed tae having its own way, and so kidnaps Death’s love tae use as leverage against Death. In exchange fae the favour bein’ granted, Death can have their pet returned. Death agrees, but their love is not returned as promised. It is never returned. Each time Fate wants a favour from Death, it is granted, Fate dangling their beloved every single time.
Except I’ve noticed something strange. The card puppet used fae Death’s love is black all over, has more tails than any four-legged creature should have, and has a suspicious mark on its forehead that I’d give any money was an eye.
Ma chest clenches wi’ somethin’ I’ve never felt before. Anticipation? Hope in spite ae all odds?
Once the show is finished and people begin tae move on, I battle through the crowd tae where the performers are. I begin tae ask the narrator aboot the story, where it comes from, if it’s true. He, like everyone there, recognises me, and rather than laugh at ma strange questions, he humours me.
He says it’s a very old tale that no one really knows when it started. I ask aboot the puppet they used fae death’s love, whether it was chosen at random. He confirms that in the spoken tale, Death’s love is always described as a creature wi’ three eyes and many tails, one that no one has seen since it was taken by Fate.
Holy fucking shit. Holy fucking shit.
I thank the narrator and find myself sittin’ doon, chest released and breath short, as though I’ve just ran a marathon. It couldnae be. I was graspin’ at straws, there was no way this was all true. It was just a story.
Yet, after all ae these years, I knew it wasnae. I knew.
It was aboot time tae trust maself, listen tae that voice deep doon inside that I’d forced tae take a back seat all ae these years. I could fix this, I could give this story a happy ending. All I needed tae do was find Death. And I knew exactly who tae go tae.
*pause*
Wait, wait a minute. Have I been callin’ death’s greatest love a wee shite all ae these years?