The Scottish language version of this script is after the English one, if you’re brave enough.
Glossary of Scottish Terms
** to greet – to cry (not to be confused with saying hello to someone)
Bollocking – a verbal beating up, being scolded for doing/saying something
Lassie – girl, usually young, but can be used for any woman
Bawbag – lit. ballbag, bollock, scrotum; means the person’s a bit of an arsehole. Can also be said endearingly to friends (a Scottish cultural anomaly where we swear at and insult our loved ones as a sign of affection)
English version
Dear me, where do I start this one? My phone died on me as I was trying to go home, an unsuccessful attempt if ever there was one. I’m not sipping on my Dad’s brew like I wanted; I never managed to escape. Let’s face it, it wasn’t like I was actually going to walk all the way to my Dad’s, it’s at least 50 miles. And without my phone to call him, my plans had pretty much gone to shite.
But now onto the more curious thing. Where had Reid come from? Well, turns out as soon as Reid had gone to the shop that day, he’d began to feel something was wrong. He thought it was just his imagination and so carried on, until my usual time when I didn’t turn up. He’d asked Fionn where I was, but obviously I’d told no one where I was going. Reid couldn’t shake this feeling, like a tightness in his chest, that things weren’t right. He left the shop without another word and as soon as he got outside said he saw something red on the ground, like a piece of string. Except there was no spool or ball of wool, this didn’t have an end, it kept going up the pavement, as though someone had spray painted it onto the ground, until it disappeared round a corner. He wanted to follow, knew he had to, and so his feet had carried him to that rainy road where I was trying to walk home.
I’m not going to sugar coat it, I was having a major flaky, about the shop, about my lack of future, and loss of free will. I wasn’t thinking straight. Reid didn’t know any of this at the time, he’d not been there when Fionn had told me what he knew. I repeated everything to Reid when it was clear he wasn’t going to leave me to walk 50 miles in the pissing rain. He didn’t fuck off like I’d told him. I began to greet** like a wee bairn, he stood and looked awkward for too long.
He did something he’s never done before. He agreed with me. Not about the running away, but about it not being fair. He couldn’t imagine knowing for a fact how his life was going to turn out. Then he paused, frowned, and continued with the only thing I needed to hear. I wasn’t going to be alone. I’d have him, Fionn, and more especially the miracle cat, Chronos, as well as the ability to do what most people can only dream of. Power and abilities confined to the pages of books. I had been given the opportunity to do something meaningful with my life, to make a difference, to have knowledge very few were privileged to have. He made this Madam thing sound a lot more glamorous than what I’d seen.
The annoying thing was it worked. I calmed down, and eventually after some more reassurances I agreed to give up on running. I realised that the universe, and whatever powers there are, didn’t want me leaving. Not for the last time, I’m obviously not getting a choice.
I can’t say I wasn’t tempted by Reid’s version of things. Who wouldn’t want to be practically omnipotent? I suppose there always must be a sacrifice. In exchange for all the glamour of being a Madam, my life isn’t ma own. If I look for a silver lining I suppose this means I’ll never go through a phase of “finding myself” in my mid-twenties, which’ll save my bank account.
I didn’t want my episode to be common knowledge, so I gathered up the courage to go into the shop the next day, as though nothing had happened. Except that the Madam was back, and she was waiting for me.
After her polite greeting she invited me upstairs. When I asked if there was a customer, she told me there wasn’t before sauntering off. I knew it was too late to run. She knew, her of all people must know what I’d tried to do, and now she was going to give me a bollocking.
Solemnly I followed her up the stairs and into the front room where the tea was already waiting. By instinct, or perhaps I wanted something to cower behind, I sat beside the coffee table whilst my boss took up her usual place. That sofa must have her arse cheeks imprinted in them she sits in the same place so often. But the magic was back, from the way the light filtered through the windows to the smell of tea, herbs, and comfort. The front room wasn’t just any old room, it was a refuge, a place where whatever strange troubles people had couldn’t find them. Unfortunately, my trouble wasn’t strange, it was sitting calmly, waiting for the tea to brew.
I needed two hands to pour. Not because it was heavy but because my hands had begun to shake. What would she do to me, how would she punish me? I wasn’t stupid, just because she helps customers doesn’t mean she can’t hurt them. I didn’t have the protection of a customer, I was the errant apprentice, Christ knew what she had in store for me.
My breathing became shallow. I didn’t touch my full teacup, and the smell wafting from it in ribbons of steam only made me feel sick.
“I hope you enjoyed your walk in the rain” was all she said as she took her first delicate sip.
An apology fell from ma mouth as easily as my lie did to that woman at the bus terminal. I’m not sure if I was sorry for running, or sorry for failing. Maybe she was the only one who really knew, what with that mind reading of hers. Her level gaze inspected me, for the truth, for insincerity, I’ll never know. She calmly sipped her tea once again before informing me that I didn’t need to apologise, and that there were few people in the world who didn’t run away from their responsibilities at some point.
This was said with a bitter wistfulness that made me think it was more of a personal reflection than a general one. I took the chance and checked if she’d ever done the same. She gave me a wry smile before taking another slow sip of her tea.
“It is more difficult than people realise to know for certain what their future holds. It brings dreams and aspirations to an end, and removes the mystery of life, along with the excitement of the unknown”, she confessed.
I felt like asking her if she ever got used to it, or when she grew to accept it. I still haven’t. I have hope that maybe I can be the one who got away. Although what she told me next makes me more doubtful of that.
I questioned why I hadn’t been able to leave, why everything I’d tried to do turned to shite. Madam Norna had left the shop fae days, going Christ knew where, and she didn’t seem to have a problem. I obviously didn’t bring that up, but still, talk about double standards.
We are allowed to leave the city, and the shop. The reason I’d had a cosmic travel ban foisted on me was because I didn’t have the intention of coming back. I was reminded, once more, that I was in the shop because I needed to be there. If I wanted to change that the forces that be would find a way to put me on the right path again. Good thing these forces don’t have a face where I can plant my fist.
Although brief, our conversation was more than just factually informative. Through the sly smiles and sips of tea I thought I caught a glimpse of a more human, more mortal side of the Madam. The curtain of her mysteriousness was drawn back a wee bit until I could see the person she was before she was Madam Norna. The nameless woman who, like me, had been in the same situation, staring down the barrel of the future, knowing exactly what it was going to be. She was right. People visit these soothsayers, psychics, and mediums and ask questions about their future. Everyone’s desperate to know, thinking it’ll give them the upper hand. I can tell you, without a word of a lie, it’s shite. Knowing that your life is going to end up one way, knowing you don’t really have a choice, is one of the worst things in the world. Yet there is a silver lining: it’s cool as fuck.
The Madam stopped her cup midway to her mouth. A knowing smile graced her features as she hoped, aloud, if the customer liked strong tea. I checked myself. I hadn’t heard the bell going, but a few seconds later, there it was, distant and resonant, chiming its way up the stairs.
I went to stand up, but the Madam shook her head and said Fionn would bring them up. Sure enough he appeared at the door, a young-ish lassie in tow. She was tall, of giant proportions with the heels she wore. Her honey blonde hair was tied neatly at the nape of her neck, and her round hazelnut brown eyes roamed around every surface and shelf in the front room. It was as I began to look closer that I saw what I thought were tinges of red skin creeping their way up her neck and peeking out from beneath the cuffs of her blazer. Fionn didn’t stay and retreated back down to the shop after throwing me a cheeky smile.
My boss let the woman settle down on the sofa for a few minutes before asking the scripted question of what the problem was. The lassie had already taken off her blazer and laid it over her knees, but now she began to unbutton the cuffs of her blouse and roll them up to her elbows. This revealed a vicious crimson rash that engulfed her entire forearm like mould in a damp corner. As I’d glimpsed when she’d come in, the rash wasn’t just confined to her arm, it had started eating away at her shoulder and collar bone, reaching its way to her neck.
Every visible inch of skin from fingertips to shoulder was red raw, as though someone had thrown boiling water over her a few hours ago. I felt pain just by looking at the damn thing. I eventually remembered myself and forced my eyes to stop staring.
She told us both that it wouldn’t go away, and that everything the doctors had given her hadn’t worked. Evidently.
The Madam asked what I thought was a stupid question. Was the rash painful? To my surprise the lassie shook her head and said it was occasionally itchy, but that it looked worse than it was. She couldn’t be serious, I mean you should’ve seen this rash, it looked like she could’ve been an extra in a zombie film!
After a few moments of contemplation my boss announced that she had just the remedy but required a price. My attention was snapped away from the burn like rash, and I trained my gaze on her, wondering what this price was going to be; her first-born? Her future career prospects? Her chances of becoming a millionaire?
It was the lassie’s reaction that jolted me from ma joy. Usually they jump at the chance to be cured or to have their problems solved, no price is too great. But this lassie was different. She gazed at Madam Norna with wary eyes, and the slow nod of her head had an impression of hesitancy.
My boss told her that she had a cream, although she called it a salve, that would heal the rash, but the scars would remain. They would never disappear and the lassie would have to live with them for the rest of her life. I thought that was pretty tame. The rash looked so bad I doubt any treatment would’ve cured her skin completely. Her retort wasn’t what I was expecting though.
Did the Madam really expect her to live with the scars for the rest of her life? She snapped with outrage at the madam, as if even the suggestion was an insult.
Calm as ever my boss explained to her that the rash would slowly engulf her entire body given the chance, and that it’d grown since the lassie had first noticed, hadn’t it? The lassie gave her arms a desperate glance, acknowledgment glistening in her eyes. The madam, as usual, was right.
Eventually the lassie agreed to Madam Norna’s cure, but her tone made it clear she wasn’t happy about it. You’d have thought someone was twisting her arm up her back. Pre-emptively I’d stood up. I was hoping that by now my legs would get used to sitting cross legged, but every time it’s either one of my feet, or even an arse check that decides it’s going to go to sleep. My boss instructed me to go into the cabinet of horrors and wonders to find a box, on the lid would be an engraving of a frog.
I swear I always see something new in that cabinet every time I go inside, but nothing ever looks out of place. How my boss remembers where everything is, or even the contents, is another mystery to add to the pile. The box wasn’t big and was more cylindrical in shape. It was heavier than I’d been expecting. I placed it on the table, between the lassie and the Madam.
The instructions were to put the salve on at night, before the lassie went to bed, for five nights. After that the rash would be gone, but the scars remain. Every word was articulated carefully, as if trying to press a point. The lassie leaned over and grabbed the box, flicking the lid open carelessly, grimacing at the contents, before closing it and stuffing it in her handbag. She stood up, ready to leave. She thanked my boss, and her final comment was that laser surgery was really amazing for minimising scars.
My boss acknowledged this with a knowing nod I knew too well. There was no amount of laser surgery going to remove those scars. After I heard the door to the shop close, I turned my attention to the Madam and arched my eyebrow. Her vanity, was the answer, someone has decided to punish her for it.
There’s an awful lot of punishing being done to people recently. That lassie who had an affair with a married man, and now this lassie for being vain. It sounds a bit harsh to me, I mean who’s not a wee bit vain, especially these days? I thought that was an end to it, the problem had been diagnosed, a solution given, and a price taken. But apparently the universe wasn’t satisfied just yet.
A day or two after this lassie had come in and gone away relatively happy, we had another visitor. I say visitor because this person was by no means a customer. It was just the three of us in the shop, Reid, Chronos and I, wasting the time away as usual, when the bell jangled and a lad came in. Now, I’m no judge of attractiveness, but this lad wasn’t bad to look at. It was like a photoshopped model fell out of a magazine and walked into the shop. He strode over to the counter where we were all gathered, determination causing his perfect brows to draw together.
“I’m here to see the madam”, he announced with a confidence that took me by surprise.
It’s usually said, if uttered at all, with doubt and trepidation, but this lad wasn’t any of those things. I observed the lad, although man may be the better word. He wouldn’t have looked out of place in a museum where they kept the ancient and chiselled Greek and Roman statues. It was like he’d just stepped off the plinth, discarded the cleverly placed toga, replaced it with modern clothes, and waltzed into the shop.
Before I could say anything Reid interrupted by asking why he wanted to see the Madam. I felt my eyebrow rise in confusion. Since when did Reid bother talking to the customers? I gave him a quick look, saw the tense shoulders, and furrowed brow. I was sure this Greek statue wasn’t a customer. He also didn’t have any manners because he snapped waspishly at Reid that it wasn’t any of his business. Prick.
I was about to attempt my own inquiry when I caught a glimpse of the private door opening and the madam appearing from behind it.
“I would appreciate if you did not agitate my subordinates,” she directed at the statue with a coldness I’d never heard before.
It may have been said in her usual velvety tones, but that didn’t prevent it from having a sharp edge. He rounded on the madam quickly, accusing her of interfering in a lesson when she had no right to. During his outburst he sporadically jumped in and out of focus. I knew no real human could look like that.
The madam shrugged gracefully and said that the lassie had come to her for help, and that he had no right to try and interfere in that. I was only briefly confused before I realised she must’ve meant the lassie from the previous day, the one with the vicious rash up and down her arms. Ma boss’s reply made him angrier, and stated that the lassie’s punishment hadn’t been over.
Punishment? I began to feel like this story couldn’t end well. Who would voluntarily scar someone like that? What had she done to deserve that, and who did this lad think he was that he had a right to do so? I blurted the same thing in the moment, as usual.
He deigned to give me an answer and said he that he was the lad she’d broken up with because he hadn’t met her high standards. He had a bad case of nice guy syndrome if ever I saw one. I’ll never understand why some people can’t accept that relationships, of any kind, don’t always last. I don’t know the full story, but I couldn’t imagine it was bad enough to warrant what he’d obviously done to her.
My question didn’t distract him for long, and he went so far as to order the Madam to take back her help. What a bawbag, but by the icy look on my boss’s face I got the impression she’d rather bite off her own tongue than do as he wanted. A sinister smile, not unlike the one I’d seen on a certain other powerful woman I’ll not mention, tugged at her lips. She told the statue that amphibians were in no position to demand anything of a Madam, and that it was time for him to leave.
It may have been said like usual, calm and collected, but my arse was sweating. There wasn’t going to be a refusal. Her comment got me thinking though. Wasn’t amphibian a fancy word for a toad, or a frog? I inspected this visitor, this chiselled specimen, and wondered if that fairytale about the lassie kissing all of those frogs could, in fact, be true. If Reid was a fox, Fionn yet unidentified, I suppose there’s no reason a model couldn’t be a toad. He certainly acted like one. It couldn’t be a coincidence that the box the lassie had been given to treat the rash had a frog ingrained on the lid. Christ, is everyone I meet a shapeshifter these days?
Rude he may have been but he wasn’t stupid. Knowing he wasn’t going to win in a fight against Madam Norna he retreated and left the shop, unsatisfied and bitter. I thought that might be the end of the matter until today. Reid and I were in the shop, as always, sorting out one of the bookshelves when I noticed, peeking out from the cuff of his shirt, something disturbingly familiar.
I grabbed his arm and inspected the skin on his wrist, concluding it was the same rash the lassie had. The weirder thing was just as I began to touch it, the skin rippled, almost melted, until it was back to normal, not a red rash in sight. For a moment I thought I’d imagined it, but when Reid whipped back his arm and asked me how I’d got rid of it, I became even more confused.
Turns out he’d woken up with this rash, and had thought nothing of it, assumed it’d go away in time. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t triumphant over my familiar, knowing something that he didn’t. I tried to keep the pride out of ma tone when I informed him the lad from yesterday had done to him what he’d done to his ex. That left the question of why it’d disappeared when I thought the only way it could was a secret salve from the Madam.
On cue, she appeared at the door, knowing all about our conversation, and Reid’s parting gift from the toad. She told us both that I’d repelled the curse, and that apparently, I’ve always been able to do it, ever since I walked into the shop that is. One touch and any curse, enchantment, or charm broke. I’ve thought about this since, and it all makes sense now. When Michelle was about to be taken by the weirdo in the club, I’d touched her and she’d snapped out of it, when the lassie had come in a few months back unable to fend off the attentions of men, I’d touched Fionn and he, too, had been released. As great as this is, it left me with an uncomfortable realisation. If I cured Reid of the toad’s gift with just a touch, why couldn’t I have done that to the lassie? Why did she have to carry round a scar for the rest of her life when I could’ve prevented it?
My boss must’ve noticed ma thoughts and added that my ability wouldn’t work on everything. Sinisterly she told me to remember that. That sounds like a bad omen if ever I heard one. I wouldn’t have been able to heal the lassie because I wasn’t meant to. She was being punished for her vanity. Is this how the world works, your ex having the ability to scar you for life? It’s difficult to know what to make of the situation no knowing everything. I still don’t feel the punishment matches the crime, if there even was one. Vanity may be a flaw, but I can think of worse things for a person to be. There’s probably more to this story that I’ll never know, but I certainly hate frogs more now.
Scottish version
Dearie me, where dae I start this one? Ma phone died on me as I was trying tae go home, an unsuccessful attempt if ever there was one. I’m no sippin’ on ma Da’s brew like I wanted; I never managed tae escape. Let’s face it, it wasnae like I was actually gonnae walk all the way tae ma Da’s, it’s at least 50 miles. And withoot ma phone tae call him, ma plans had pretty much gone tae shite.
But noo ontae the more curious ‘hing. Where had Reid come frae? Well, turns oot as soon as Reid had gone tae the shop that day he’d began tae feel somethin’ was wrong. He thought it was just his imagination and so carried on, until ma usual time when I didnae turn up. He’d asked Fionn where I was, but obviously I’d told no one where I was goin’. Reid couldnae shake this feelin, like a tightness in his chest, that things werenae right. He left the shop without another word and as soon as he got ootside said he saw somethin’ red on the ground, like a piece of string. Except there was no spool or ball ae wool, this didnae have an end, it kept goin up the pavement, as though someone had spray painted it ontae the ground, until it disappeared roond a corner. He wanted tae follow, knew he had tae, and so his feet had carried him tae that rainy road where I was tryin’ tae walk home.
I’m no gonnae sugar coat it, I was havin a major flaky, aboot the shop, aboot ma lack ae future, and loss ae free will. I wasnae thinkin’ straight. Reid didnae know any ae this at the time, he’d no been there when Fionn had told me what he knew. I repeated everythin’ tae Reid when it was clear he wasnae gonnae leave me tae walk 50 miles in the pissin’ rain. He didnae fuck off like I’d told him. I began tae greet like a wee bairn, he stood and looked awkward fae too long.
He did somethin’ he’s never done before. He agreed wi’ me. No aboot the runnin’ away, but aboot it no bein’ fair. He couldnae imagine knowin’ fae a fact how his life was gonnae turn oot. Then he paused, frowned, and continued wi’ the only ‘hing I needed tae hear. I wasnae gonnae be alone. I’d have him, Fionn, and more especially the miracle cat, Chronos, as well as the ability tae do whit most people can only dream of. Power and abilities confined tae the pages of books. I had been geein’ the opportunity tae do somethin’ meaningful wi’ ma life, tae make a difference, tae have knowledge very few were privileged tae have. He made this Madam ‘hing sound a lot more glamorous than whit I’d seen.
The annoying ‘hing was it worked. I calmed doon, and eventually after some more reassurances I agreed tae give up on runnin’. I realised that the universe, and whatever powers there are, didnae want me leavin. Not fae the last time, I’m obviously no getting’ a choice.
I cannae say I wasnse tempted by Reid’s version ae ‘hings. Who wouldnae want tae be practically omnipotent? I suppose there always has tae be a sacrifice. In exchange fae all the glamour ae bein’ a Madam, ma life isnae ma own. If I look fae a silver linin’ I suppose this means I’ll never go through a phase ae “findin’ maself” in ma mid-twenties, which’ll save ma bank account.
I didnae want ma episode tae be common knowledge, so I gathered up the courage tae go intae the shop the next day, as though nothin’ had happened. Except that the Madam was back, and she was waitin’ fae me.
After her polite greetin’ she invited me upstairs. When I asked if there was a customer, she told me there wasnae before saunterin’ aff. I knew it was too late tae run. She knew, her ae all people must know whit I’d tried tae do, and now she was gonnae gee’ me a bollockin’.
Solemnly I followed her up the stairs and intae the front room where the tea was already waitin. By instinct, or perhaps I wanted somethin’ tae cower behind I sat beside the coffee table, whilst ma boss took up her usual place. That sofa must have her arse cheeks imprinted in them she sits in the same place so often. But the magic was back, fae the way the light filtered through the windaes tae the smell ae tea, herbs, and comfort. The front room wasnae just any old room, it was a refuge, a place where whitever strange troubles people had couldnae find them. Unfortunately, ma trouble wasnae strange, it was sittin calmly, waitin fae the tea tae brew.
I needed two hands tae pour, no because it was heavy but because ma hands had begun tae shake. Whit would she do tae me, how would she punish me? I wasnae stupid, just because she helps customers doesnae mean she cannae hurt them. I didnae have the protection ae a customer, I was the errant apprentice, Christ knew whit she had in store fae me.
Ma breathin’ became shallow. I didnae touch ma full teacup, and the smell waftin’ fae it in ribbons ae steam only made me feel sick.
“I hope you enjoyed your walk in the rain” was all she said as she took her first delicate sip.
An apology fell fae ma mouth as easily as ma lie did tae that woman at the bus terminal. I’m no sure if I was sorry fae runnin, or sorry fae failin’. Maybe she was the only one who really knew, whit wi’ that mind readin’ ae hers. Her level gaze inspected me, fae the truth, fae insincerity, I’ll never know. She calmly sipped her tea once again before informin’ me that I didnae need tae apologise, and that there were few people in the world who didnae run away fae their responsibilities at some point.
This was said wi’ a bitter wistfulness that made me ‘hink it was more ae a personal reflection than a general one. I took the chance and checked if she’d ever done the same. She gee’ me a wry smile before takin’ another slow sip ae her tea.
“It is more difficult than people realise to know for certain what their future holds. It brings dreams and aspirations to an end, and removes the mystery of life, along with the excitement of the unknown”, she confessed.
I felt like askin’ her if she ever got used tae it, or when she grew tae accept it. I still havenae. I have hope that maybe, I can be the one who got away. Although what she told me next makes me more doubtful ae that.
I questioned why I hadnae been able tae leave, why everythin’ I’d tried tae do turned tae shite. Madam Norna had left the shop fae days, goin’ Christ knew where, and she didnae seem tae have a problem. I obviously didnae bring that up, but still, talk aboot double standards.
We are allowed tae leave the city, and the shop. The reason I’d had a cosmic travel ban foisted on me was because I didnae have the intention ae comin’ back. I was reminded, once more, that I was in the shop because I needed tae be there. If I wanted tae change that the forces that be would find a way tae put me on the right path again. Good thing these forces dinnae have a face where I can plant ma fist.
Although brief, our conversation was more than just factually informative. Through the sly smiles, and sips ae tea I thought I caught a glimpse ae a more human, more mortal side ae the Madam. The curtain ae her mysteriousness was drawn back a wee bit until I could see the person she was before she was Madam Norna. The nameless woman who, like me, had been in the same situation, starin’ doon the barrel ae the future, knowin’ exactly whit it was gonnae be. She was right. People visit these soothsayers, psychics and mediums and ask questions aboot their future. Everyone’s desperate tae know, thinkin’ it’ll gee them the upper hand. I can tell ye, withoot a word ae a lie, it’s shite. Knowin that your life is gonnae end up one way, knowin ye dinnae really have a choice, is one ae the worst ‘hings in the world. Yet there is a silver linin’. It’s cool as fuck.
The Madam stopped her cup midway tae her mouth. A knowin’ smile graced her features as she hoped, aloud, if the customer liked strong tea. I checked maself. I hadnae heard the bell goin, but a few seconds later, there it was, distant and resonant, chimin’ it’s way up the stairs.
I went tae stand up but the Madam shook her heid and said Fionn would bring them up. Sure enough he appeared at the door, a young-ish lassie in tow. She was tall, of giant proportions wi’ the heels she wore. Her honey blonde hair was tied neatly at the nape ae her neck, and her round hazelnut brown eyes roamed aroond every surface and shelf in the front room. It was as I began tae look closer that I saw what I thought were tingees ae red skin creepin’ their way up her neck and peekin’ oot fae beneath the cuffs ae her blazer. Fionn didnae stay and retreated back doon tae the shop after throwin’ me a cheeky smile.
Ma boss let the woman settle doon on the sofa fae a few minutes before askin’ the scripted question ae whit the problem was. The lassie had already taken aff her blazer and laid it over her knees, but noo she began tae unbutton the cuffs ae her blouse and roll them up tae her elbows. This revealed a vicious crimson rash that engulfed her entire forearm like mould in a damp corner. As I’d glimpsed when she’d come in, the rash wasnae just confined tae her arm, it had starteed eatin’ away at her shoulder and collar bone, reachin’ its way tae her neck.
Every visible inch ae skin fae fingertips tae shoulder was red raw, as though someone had thrown boilin’ water over her a few hours ago. I felt pain just by lookin’ at the damn thing. I eventually remembered maself and forced ma eyes tae stop starin’.
She told us both that it wouldnae go away, and that everythin’ the doctors had geein’ her hadnae worked. Evidently.
The Madam asked whit I thought was a stupid question. Was the rash painful? Tae ma surprise the lassie shook her heid and said it was occasionally itchy, but that it looked worse than it was. She couldnae be serious, I mean ye shouldae seen this rash, it looked like she couldae been an extra in a zombie film!
After a few moments ae contemplation ma boss announced that she had just the remedy, but required a price. Ma attention was snapped away from the burn like rash, and I trained ma gaze on her, wonderin’ whit this price was gonnae be; her first-born? Her future career prospects? Her chances ae becomin’ a millionaire?
It was the lassie’s reaction that jolted me frae ma joy. Usually they jump at the chance tae be cured or tae have their problems solved, no price is too great. But this lassie was different. She gazed at Madam Norna wi’ wary eyes, and the slow nod ae her heid had an impression ae hesitancy.
Ma boss told her that she had a cream, although she called it a salve, that would heal the rash, but the scars would remain. They would never disappear and the lassie’d have tae live wi’ them fae the rest ae her life. I thought that was pretty tame. The rash looked so bad I doubt any treatment wouldae cured her skin completely. Her retort wasnae whit I was expectin though.
Did the Madam really expect her tae live wi’ the scars fae the rest ae her life? She snapped with outrage at the madam, as if even the suggestion was an insult.
Calm as ever ma boss explained tae her that the rash would slowly engulf her entire body given the chance, and that it’d grown since the lassie’d first noticed, hadn’t it? the lassie gee her arms a desperate glance, acknowledgment glistenin in her eyes. The madam, as usual, was right.
Eventually the lassie agreed tae Madam Norna’s cure, but her tone made it clear she wasnae happy aboot it. Ye’d have thought someone was twistin’ her arm up her back. Pre-emptively I’d stood up. I was hopin’ that by noo ma legs would get used tae sittin’ cross legged, but every time it’s either one ae ma feet, or even an arse check that decides it’s gonnae go tae sleep. Ma boss instructed me tae go intae the cabinet ae horrors and wonders tae find a box, on the lid would be an engravin’ ae a frog.
I swear I always see somethin’ new in that cabinet every time I go inside, but nothin’ ever looks oot ae place. How ma boss remembers where everythin is, or even the contents, is another mystery tae add tae the pile. The box wasnae big, and was more cylindrical in shape. It was heavier than I’d been expectin. I placed it on the table, between the lassie and the Madam.
The instructions were tae put the salve on at night, before the lassie went tae bed, fae five nights. After that the rash’d be gone, but the scars still remain. Every word was articulated carefully, as if tryin’ tae press a point. The lassie leaned over and grabbed the box, flickin’ the lid open carelessly, grimacin’ at the contents, before closin’ it and stuffin’ it in her handbag. She stood up, ready tae leave. She thanked ma boss, and her final comment was that laser surgery was really amazing fae minimising scars.
Ma boss acknowledged this wi’ a knowin’ nod I knew too well. There was no amount ae laser surgery gonnae remove those scars. After I heard the door tae the shop close I turned ma attention tae the Madam and arched ma eyebrow. Her vanity, was the answer, someone has decided tae punish her fae it.
There’s an awful lot ae punishin’ bein done tae people recently. That lassie who had an affair wi a married man, and noo this lassie fae bein’ vain. It sounds a bit harsh tae me, I mean who’s no a wee bit vain, especially these days? I thought that was an end tae it, the problem had been diagnosed, a solution given, and a price taken. But apparently the universe wasnae satisfied just yet.
A day or two after this lassie had come in and gone away relatively happy, we had another visitor. I say visitor because this person was by no means a customer. It was just the three ae us in the shop, Reid, Chronos and I, wastin’ the time away as usual, when the bell jangled and a lad came in. Noo, I’m no judge ae attractiveness, but this lad wasnae bad tae look at. It was like a photoshopped model fell oot ae a magazine and walked intae the shop. He strode over tae the counter where we were all gathered, determination causing his perfect brows tae draw together.
I’m here to see the madam, he announced with a confidence that took me by surprise. It’s usually said, if uttered at all, wi’ doubt and trepidation, but this lad wasnae any ae those ‘hings. I observed the lad, although man may be the better word. He wouldnae ha’ looked oot ae place in a museum where they kept the ancient and chiselled Greek and Roman statues. It was like he’d just stepped aff the plinth, discarded the cleverly placed toga, replaced it wi’ modern clothes, and waltzed intae the shop.
Before I could say anythin’ Reid interrupted by askin’ why he wanted tae see the Madam. I felt ma eyebrow rise in confusion. Since when did Reid bother talkin’ tae the customers? I gee him a quick look, saw the tense shoulders, and furrowed brow. I was sure this Greek statue wasnae a customer. He also didnae have any manners because he snapped waspishly at Reid that it wasnae any ae his business. Prick.
I was aboot tae attempt ma own inquiry when I caught a glimpse ae the private door opening and the madam appearin fae behind it.
I would appreciate if you did not agitate my subordinates.
She directed at the statue wi’ a coldness I’d never heard before. It may ha’ been said in her usual velvety tones, but that didnae prevent it fae havin’ a sharp edge. He rounded on the madam quickly, accusin’ her ae interferin in a lesson when she had no right tae. During his outburst he sporadically jumped in and oot ae focus. I knew no real human could look like that.
The madam shrugged gracefully and said that the lassie had come tae her fae help, and that he had no right tae try and interfere in that. I was only briefly confused before I realised she mustae meant the lassie fae the previous day, the one wi’ the vicious rash up and doon her arms. Ma boss’s reply made him angrier, and stateed that the lassies’ punishment hadnae been over.
Punishment? I began tae feel like this story couldnae end well. Who would voluntarily scar someone like that? What had she done tae deserve that, and who did this lad think he was that he had a right tae do so? I blurted the same ‘hing in the moment, as usual.
He deigned tae gee me an answer and told he that he was the lad she’d broken up wi’ because he hadnae met her high standards. He had a bad case ae the nice guy syndrome if ever I saw one. I’ll never understand why some people can never accept that relationships, ae any kind, dinnae always last. I dinnae know the full story, but I couldnae imagine it was bad enough tae warrant what he’d obviously done tae her.
Ma question didnae distract him fae long, and he went so far as to order the Madam tae take back her help. What a bawbag, but by the icy look on ma boss’s face I got the impression she’d rather bite aff her own tongue than do as he wanteed. A sinister smile, not unlike the one I’d seen on a certain other powerful woman I’ll no mention, tugged at her lips. She told the statue that amphibians were in no position tae demand anything ae a Madam, and that it was time fae him tae leave.
It may ha been said like usual, calm and collecteed, but ma arse was sweatin’. There wasnae gonnae be a refusal. Her comment got me thinkin’ though. Wasn’t amphibian a fancy word fae a toad, or a frog? I inspected this visitor, this chiselled specimen, and wondered if that fairytale aboot the lassie kissin all ae those frogs could, in fact, be true. If Reid was a fox, Fionn yet unidentified, I suppose there’s no reason a model couldnae be a toad. He certainly acteed like one. It couldnae be a coincidence that the box the lassie had been geein’ tae treat the rash had a frog ingrained on the lid. Christ, is everyone I meet a shapeshifter these days?
Rude he may ha been but he wasnae stupid. Knowin he wasnae gonnae win in a fight against Madam Norna he retreated and left the shop, unsatisfied and bitter. I thought that might be the end ae the matter until today. Reid and I were in the shop, as always, sortin’ oot one ae the bookshelves when I noticed, peekin oot fae the cuff ae his shirt, something disturbingly familiar.
I grabbed his arm and inspected the skin on his wrist, concludin’ it was the same rash the lassie had. the weirder ‘hing was just as I began tae touch it, the skin rippled, almost melted, until it was back tae normal, no a red rash in sight. Fae a moment I thought I’d imagined it, but when Reid whipped back his arm and asked me how I’d got rid ae it, I became even more confused.
Turns oot he’d woken up wi this rash, and had thought nothin’ of it, assumed it’d go away in time. I’d be lyin’ if I said I wasnae triumphant over ma familiar, knowin’ somethin’ that he didnae. I tried tae keep the pride oot ae ma tone when I informed him the lad fae yesterday had done tae him what he’d done tae his ex. That left the question ae why it’d disappeared when I thought the only way it could was a secret salve fae the Madam.
On cue, she appeared at the door, knowin’ all aboot our conversation, and Reid’s partin’ gift fae the toad. She told us both that I’d repelled the curse, and that apparently I’ve always been able tae do it, ever since I walked intae the shop that is. One touch and any curse, enchantment, or charm broke. I’ve thought aboot this since and it all makes sense noo. When Michelle was aboot tae be taken by the weirdo in the club I’d touched her and she’d snapped oot ae it, when the lassie had come in a few months back unable tae fend aff the attentions ae men, I’d touched Fionn and he, too, had been released. As great as this is, it left me wi’ an uncomfortable realisation. If I cured Reid ae the toad’s gift wi’ just a touch, why couldnae I ha done that tae the lassie? Why did she have tae carry roond a scar fae the rest ae her life when I couldae preventeed it?
Ma boss mustae noticed ma thoughts and added that ma ability wouldnae work on everythin. Sinisterly she told me tae remember that. That sounds like a bad omen if ever I heard one. I wouldnae ha been able tae heal the lassie because I wasnae meant tae. She was bein’ punished fae her vanity. Is this how the world works, your ex havin’ the ability tae scar ye fae life? It’s difficult tae know whit tae make ae the situation no knowin’ everythin’. I still dinnae feel the punishment matches the crime, if there even was one. Vanity may be a flaw, but I can think ae worse ‘hings fae a person tae be. There’s probably more tae this story that I’ll never know, but I certainly hate frogs more noo.